Why We Lose When We Give In

Posted on: Thursday, August 28th, 2003 by Lisa Bevere

The world is waking up to the anger and disillusionment of a generation of women who are admitting promiscuity isn't really getting them what they wanted after all. There is a reason¦women always stand to lose so much more than men when they compromise sexually. Of course moderating our approach to gain our desires will not be enough for us. There is a higher call. It is not about mere behavior modification, but the restoration of dignity, honor, strength and yes-even power to a generation of women both young and old who are no longer willing to lose. The horror of being sexually used and tossed aside is especially disconcerting when mere youths are experiencing this extreme magnitude of rejection. Women were never meant to be tossed aside after completely giving, unveiling and revealing their self. We were never meant to be pushed away after allowing intimate entrance. Sexual union is the culmination and celebration of two becoming one. Wombs are meant for carefully and lovingly planted seeds of life not for careless ones cast in the dark. Wombs are to be attended so they can flourish like a garden. God charged the newlywed men of Israel to remain home from battle the entire first year of marriage just to bring happiness to their wife. (Deuteronomy 24:5 NIV) She was to be securely planted and nourished so she could blossom. We were created to be so much more than a sexual outlet for men. As women we want and deserve more than just sexual release for ourselves¦we crave intimacy romance and passion. We want to know and be known. But, there can be no true intimacy where there is no trust and no lasting trust where there is not covenant. How can you possibly trust someone who is not willing to wait for you, to lay aside his immediate sexual passions, to commit to a long-term relationship? By nature men are conquerors and when they've already enjoyed the spoils of victory they become restless to move on to the next conquest. Which begs another quirky twist in the dynamic of male and female relationships¦it is almost impossible to begin with sexual contact and then upgrade to a deeper realm. Men are not interested in knowing more thoroughly those they have already known too quickly. (No matter how movies may suggest otherwise) Why take the time to examine closer the label of a wine bottle you've already emptied? Men love adventure, intrigue and a woman who challenges them to be more because she believes there is more. He wants to know she is anchored to more than him. Deep down inside most worth having, want to be someone's prince or knight in shining armor. Never forget if you are waiting for a prince he will come looking for a princess. The price of promiscuity for men is miniscule in comparison to the cost it exacts upon women. I believe this is part of the struggle brought upon us in the transgression of the garden. Women and children suffer the greatest when the laws of love are desecrated. These laws were never put in place to steal your joy and pleasure but to protect it. Promiscuity promises women the freedom to behave sexually like a man. But the truth is regardless of how we behave we will never be men¦so why act like them? Women are at their strongest when they embrace their feminine mystique and act feminine. Truly women are capable of doing and behaving in masculine ways. I can choose to compete or complete. Because though a woman may be able to do all a man can¦a man can never take the place of a woman. Of course our culture has done it's best to tie the term feminine� to sissy, weak and wimpy. I suppose when you apply feminine aspects to men they do look out of place. But femininity is not out of step for women. When women stand in the strength of their roles as women then men are challenged to rise to a new level or standard. Men crave the respect affection and attention of those they feel their equal but complimentary other half. It is not good for men to be alone for their labor and life has no real purpose without someone to share it with. Men are not inspired to protect women who are naked (they want to conquer and violate these) but those who are clothed. If we want to regain intimacy then we must be reconciled to truth. We must be willing to put back on our clothing so that later we will have something to reveal. All our sexual liberation has not elevated but degraded the image of woman. You can have seduction without the influence of femininity but Femininity carries with it the allure of feminine mystique. For thousands of years, daughters of Eve have cried out to Adams, give me sacrificial love, rescue and protect me. Meet my deepest need for security and safety. When Adam answers he makes declarations he cannot keep in the hope she will meet a yearning he cannot verbalize. Both are doomed to fail because God alone wants to meet those deep desires in each of us and only give the daughters of Eve and the sons of Adam a glimpse and a longing of the joy unspeakable to come. In desperation we have prostituted ourselves, wrestled and waged war with the sons of Adam in an attempt to get them to bless us and affirm our value but this struggle has left us frustrated at best. Far too often we are left disappointed in the dust raped, wounded, and alone. In the end it is all a senseless and exhausting process in which both parties lose. It is not the fault of the sons of Adam, they cannot render to us the blessing we seek and we have frightened them by giving them so much power over our souls. We must learn as Jacob did the blessings only come from God. We must allow God to give us a new name for we are no longer wrestling Daughters of Eve hiding in shadows but Daughters of light and Promise, His Bride. (This article was adapted from Lisa's newest book, Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry, Thomas Nelson publishers available in bookstores or from www.johnbevere.org)

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Articles by Lisa Bevere

Title	Published
Why We Lose When We Give In	08-28-03

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