Remember, leaving your batterer is the most dangerous time.
Safety In Your Own Home
Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure windows. Your closest battered womens shelter maybe able to help with the costs.
Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.
Inform your children's school, daycare, etc. about who has permission to pick-up your children.
Inform neighbors and/or land lord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see him near the home.
Safety with a Protective Order
Keep your protective order on you at all times. (When you change your purse, let that be the first thing that goes in it.) Give a copy to a trusted neighbor or family member.
Call the police if your partner breaks the order.
Think of alternative ways to keep safe if the police do not respond right away.
Inform family, friends, neighbors and your physician or health care provider that you have a protective order.
Safety on the Job and In Public
Decide who at work you will inform of your situation. This should include office or building security. Provide a picture of your batterer, if possible.
Arrange to have an answering machine, caller ID, or a trusted friend or relative screen your phone calls if possible.
Devise a safety plan for when you leave work. Have someone escort you to your car, bus or train and wait with you until you are safely en route. Use a variety of routines to go home. Think about what you would do if something happened while going home (eg. In your car, on the bus, etc.)
Your Safety and Emotional Health
If you are thinking of returning to a potentially abusive situation, discuss an alternative plan with someone you trust.
If you have to communicate with your partner, determine the safest way to do so.
Have positive thoughts about yourself and be assertive with others about your needs.
Read books, articles and poems to help you feel stronger.
Decide who you can call to talk to freely and openly to give you support you need.
Plan to attend a womens or victims support group for at least 2 weeks to gain support from others and learn more about yourself and the relationship.
For Teens in a Violent Dating Relationship
Decide which friend, teacher, relative or police officer you can tell.
Contact an advocate at the court to decide how to obtain a restraining order and make a safety plan.
Conclusion: All abuse is humiliating and degrading. It makes us feel as though we are somehow bad or inferior (although we sometimes hide these feelings even from ourselves because they are so painful). As we come to recognize behavior which is abusive and can realize that it is the abuser who is responsible for that behavior and NOT US, we can begin to learn to say NO, I don't deserve this; I dont want to be treated that way. For years many of us have remained alone and isolated in our shame, believing there was something wrong with us. Together, as we learn to give each other loving support, we can begin to name our abuse. As we begin to say NO, I don't deserve this and know that WE HAVE SURVIVED: that we are strong; that we are of worth; and that we can stand tall with our heads high.
With Love and Blessings,
Janis Erickson The Refuge Ministry Jeremiah 29:1
... For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future.
