Madoff's suicide: The ultimate out?

Posted on: Monday, December 13th, 2010 by Marianne Clyde

What a tragic choice to choose death over working through this gift of life. When I heard of the suicide of Mark Madoff, my heart was broken. Madoff was a husband and father of two young children who will now have to work through why daddy left them; two teenagers are left to field the many lawsuits and still unanswered questions.

Of course it is easy on the surface to see the looming clouds on the horizon for this eldest son of Bernie Madoff, and to understand why he wanted out. The weight of accusations and lawsuits and hatred that engulfed a family name that has come to represent fraud and opulence and disregard for the many lives that have been devasted by his father's schemes is a burden that had to be most painful to bear. And none of us can know what really happened and what was going on in his mind, neither should we speculate. That kind of judgement and guessing is a mind game that can never work out well.

What I would like to emphasize though, for those that are living and watching this senseless loss of human life and the tragedy that still lies in the huge careless wake, is what we can learn from it. Yes, there are lots of lessons to be learned and lots of judgements that can be made, but here is the real truth about suicide.

No matter how heavy the burden or how perplexing the maze that we find ourselves in, there is always a way out. There are always people left behind that hurt and are confused and broken by the act of a suicide. While there is never any sense to be made in judging the person who has made the decision to leave, it does make sense to pay attention to the signs that one is at risk and to offer help in the form of support or recommendation of a professional who can help sort through things with the person.

Obvious statements of suicidal intent should never be disregarded, even if you think the person is just seeking attention. Maybe a little attention is what they need; a little support can go a long way. Other statements that are not quite as straight forward, such as "I wish I were dead," "I hate my life," "My life is meaningless" deserve a follow up question like, "Are you thinking of hurting yourself?" which might lead to a referral to a counselor or therapist.

Other signs include: tying up loose ends, giving loved things away, withdrawing from friends and family and other favorite activities, lack of interest in personal hygiene. Deep depression and hopelessness, feeling that there is no way out are very important clues to encourage the person to get help. Asking the question and showing that you notice can be a huge help; offering an opportunity for them to verbalize their feelings can help lift the cloud of darkness and aloneness that they are engulfed in. This doesn't put the idea in their head, it confronts an idea that might already be there. If it's not, they will tell you.

Suicide is a tragedy for all concerned, not a time to judge, but an opportunity to assess. Particularly this time of year when tensions and expectations are high, people stuggling with heartache and burdens have a more difficult time resisting the temptation to end it all. As they compare their sad and seemingly hopeless lives to the joy and hope of the season, they sometimes feel the need to just fade away, thinking they won't be missed or noticed.

So pay attention to your own thoughts as well as the behavior of friends and colleagues this time of year. One smile, one caring question, one gentle touch of understanding, one offer to buy a cup of coffee can save a life. And not only save one life but the many that would be left in the wake. Offer to help or refer them to help. Pay attention. Suicide is not an end, but the beginning of a long painful recovery for the friends and family of the victim.

So take a deep breath and do the brave thing: ask.

www.marianneclyde.com

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Articles by Marianne Clyde

Title	Published
How to recognize an eating disorder	02-08-11
Madoff's suicide: The ultimate out?	12-13-10
Uganda....what are you thinking?!	12-11-09
Family time...gasp!	11-22-09
Politics of Fear	09-23-09
The treasures of darkness	08-31-09
East meets west	08-30-09
Lasting Change in Sri Lanka?	06-06-09
Culture Awakening in Malawi	05-13-09
Miss Beautiful Morals	05-07-09
Eye of the Storm	04-05-09
Ripples	03-19-09
Everyone is watching	11-18-08
So...Cindy Sheehan wants to quit....	05-30-07
Real Life Victims of Blood Diamonds	02-01-07
Bringing Hope to Malawi	03-23-06
Boy! Have we got it wrong!	10-26-04
If you think you are neutral, think again...	10-02-03

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