Make New Friends, Only Keep a Few of The Old

Outside View: The value of friends

By Cheryl Felicia Rhoads
UPI Outside View Commentator

Hollywood, CA, Nov. 1 (UPI) -- Tuesday's election determines the next president. It also determines who stays on my Christmas card list.

See, I am losing friends left and right, well, actually, only left. Some friendships, however, have been strengthened during this election.

When I was 6 year old Brownie, I learned a song: "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold." Even as a child, I was a born raconteur, so I always had lots of friends. But, by the time I got to fourth grade, I was already getting into political brawls. Early on, I began living my politically active mother's joke, "My name, it opens some doors and closes others."

I learned to tone it down a bit by the time I got to college. As a theater major, it was fun in an acting class one day, when we each had to pretend to be another student. I chose to mimic a beautiful petite girl with long dark hair. She was my polar opposite, this former cheerleader-turned-hippie-princess named Michelle. She got a kick out of my impression of her. I thought it was cool that she could laugh at herself. We began a friendship that has brought us to the present day.

Yet we were always opposites. I am Roman Catholic, she is Jewish. I am tall, she is short. One rainy afternoon on campus, Michelle insisted on carrying the umbrella for both of us, (I don't think I stood up straight until the next day!)

Back then, she was as passionate a Democrat as I was a Republican. However, my friend and I still had something in common that was more important than all the differences. We shared the same values and they showed up in a dozen little ways. That is why we are friends almost 30 years later. Furthermore, she had been moving in my direction politically before, but Sept. 11, 2001, brought us to a new level of communication. We have bonded even more during this election.

Sadly, I also have re-evaluated some other friendships as tensions increased due to the Kerry-Edwards demagoguery. This is the first time in memory that I've even been appalled by both spouses of the Democratic ticket. I rather liked Tipper Gore and Hadassa Lieberman. I thought they were sweet. And that's the way I used to feel about my liberal pals. But, now a Teresa Heinz-Kerry-like irrationality/Elizabeth Edwards snotty innuendo has infected some of them -- and it makes them unpleasant to be around.

This election may leave those friendships in its wake. The outlook is definitely not good for their Christmas card inclusion.

Sept. 11, Iraq, the demonization of Israel by Kerry's European fans, the beheadings -- all of the latter just doesn't seem to change the '90s mentality of those I know who are voting for the Democratic Party ticket. Like Kerry, they still seem to consider the United States' life-and-death struggle a nuisance. These liberal friends of mine are certainly not bad people, but deep down, they still don't get that we are at war with a greater evil than any of us has ever known. Combined with the extremism culturally on the left, these people are becoming more than a nuisance themselves.

The sobering fact is that these friendships are just too taxing (in both senses of that word). Those relationships have become like old prom dresses in that they just don't fit anymore. There comes a point where some associations can become a fire hazard in one's closet. It may be time to do spring cleaning, even if the season is autumn.

Sure, friends can't agree on everything, nor are they supposed to but though I may think someone's a nice person, fun, etc., increasingly deep differences in our world view can't be ignored in these frightening times.

Three decades later, Michelle is no longer the shorter-than-me actress who insisted on carrying the umbrella as we walked to class, though she is still shorter than me. But she and I easily walk together under an umbrella of shared concerns. A few weeks ago we sat side by side at a most moving event celebrating Jewish and Christian support of Israel and each other.

Yet, we still live very different lives. My college friend has been married for 25 years to the love of her life, the mother of three and an executive in an entertainment corporation. And meanwhile her single free-lancing writer/actress friend, even after all these years still does impressions of her...only in print now.

Happily, others have also come along to become comrades in arms this election. They represent a diversity in lifestyle that would warm any liberal's heart (although said liberal wouldn't warm our hearts). There's Genie the stockbroker, Cathy the casting director, Robin the mom of one of my former acting students, Sally the daughter of one of my mother's old friends and so many others. Their e-mail messages and calls let me know that though other friendships may wither during this election, I'm hardly alone. They all have a point of view that enables us to skip to shorthand. ("Did you read Drudge?" "Yep!") All of these women make up my own personal non-elitist version of "The View, The Conservative Cut."

Yes, now those old children's lyrics resonate with a new meaning in "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold." Regretfully, without shared values even after this tumultuous election of 2004, some friendships may have turned to a tin that rings hollow in these perilous times.

By the way, I recently chatted with one of those former Brownies who sang with me so long ago, She is a "security mom." She is voting for George W. Bush and she will definitely be included on my Christmas card list.

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(Cheryl Felicia Rhoads is an actress and writer living in Hollywood, Calif.)

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(United Press International's "Outside View" commentaries are written by outside contributors who specialize in a variety of issues. The views expressed do not necessarily reflect those of United Press International. In the interests of creating an open forum, original submissions are invited.)

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